28/12/2020
The Sight
Leroy Bones
28/11/2020
A self-portrait to celebrate the beginning of my studies to become a Master Herbalist.
09/11/2020
I used to know my body, now a stranger to me
I wish I could forget
how I sin and sin again
I thought I knew depth, the bottom of the sea
but that was just the shore
the edge of oblivion
I travel on
and drink from the tap at 4am
swallowing my sadness again and again
I want to be kissed with tears on my lips
I want to be beautiful when I am crying
so often I dream of a moth flying
with feathers for wings
caught in my hands and trying to leave
too dark in captivity, it wants to be free
and all I want now is to sleep
everything is too loud for me
but I feel weak asking for silence
I want peace and I want quiet
I want to go where words aren’t suited
I used to know what was good for me
now I eat until I’m hungry
now I freeze my legs at night and think too much
all I want is to watch movies about hopelessness
americana suburban stress
I want to pour cold milk and weep to Phoebe Bridgers
wondering what I could have been
and how a month can feel like years
how I clutch to days and still they disappear
I wish I could break my own shell
I wish I had felt pain much younger
I wish I was a skeleton with thick hair and plastic nails
but wishing is personal torture
it is misery on drip
I need silence
I need ringing in my ears
and nothing else
but cars passing three roads away
and the shake of my own breathing
a hot dog and a blueberry slush from the petrol station
no matter where I go, I don’t feel free
no matter how alone, I am not free
most alive when I am terrified—
it is a difficult way to be
25/04/2020
29/03/2020
16/01/2021
Cigarette hangs from his mouth,
life on pause and won’t restart,
kicked the thing and hoped it would
but all it did was show me up.
Revealing Death on brittle legs,
trying to get past the beggars;
I wonder if I’ve got long left,
people just assume they do.
Right then, he kisses me his way—
“Death, don’t take me yet”, I say,
louder than I’ve ever said it;
right then, he smiles, grin I’d die for
but I don’t want to die today,
don’t wanna til I’ve had it all,
every shadow he can part with,
I’m tough enough, I can take it.
Reaper, get lost quickly now
and don’t come back until you’re sure
there’s room enough for two to sail
across the river to your Hell.
30/12/2020
I remember you
you were once so close to me
all the tales are true
but the kingdom is falling
I don’t want it back
laying down my sword
kissing you goodbye
couldn’t hurt me more